Where I've Been // My Personal Health

This is going to be quite long, so buckle up.

I have now been a entrepreneur for 2 years and I am so incredibly grateful that this is how I get to live my life.

However, the past two years also mark the beginning of a battle I am still fighting to this day. You see, in May of 2022 I decided it was a good idea to start completely new. I quit my job, graduated from university, and came off of hormonal birth control. Anyone with a brain knows that any of those things on their own yield major change. Well, I'm a 'go big or go home' person, so I went all in.

What I didn't know is the repercussions that were going to come along with so much change happening at once. The biggest change being the way my body responded to coming off of hormonal birth control. I am certain I will make another post about post birth control syndrome, so I will just make this a cliff notes version of what I experienced. Essentially, hormonal birth control destroyed my gut microbiome. Within months of coming off, the list of foods I could eat without extreme bloating, stomach pain, breaking out in acne or eczema was extremely small. I feel like I should also mention that I have a past relationship with restrictive eating...so this extremely limited food selection let those feelings right back in.

I turned to all the things I thought would make me feel 'better', but they ended up just being a band aid for the stuff that was going on internally. At this point I was working with a coach and I felt great for a while - well, during the time that my caloric intake was up. 8 weeks later, I entered the first intentional calorie deficit of my life. Week after week of meticulous tracking and a perfect exercise routine, nothing happened. My skin was a wreck, my gut was still a mess, I was weak and tired, and the 8-10 pounds I was looking to lose were still hanging on. Because I am no quitter, I stuck it out for the full 16 weeks. 16 weeks of low carbs, low calories, strength training, cardio, and crappy sleep.

After this, my coach and I collectively decided it was time to stop the low cals and reverse diet. We increased my food intake slowly and intentionally. This all happened in October. The next few months became my indicator that something was REALLY wrong.

In November, I decided I was tired of chasing skinny and that I was going to start training for a performance goal. Lo and behold, a powerlifting career is what I thought the answer was. I thought to myself, "all of the girls I know who are ripped have been a powerlifter at some point", so that was my plan. Powerlift, the cut after my comp and I would magically be ripped. Three weeks in to my powerlifting prep, my body physically said "no thanks".

I remember this day so vividly...

It was a back squat day. I was REALLY excited with how things had been going and I was hopeful for a PR that day.

I walked in to the gym, did my mobility, and headed over to a rack to warm up.

65 pounds was a warm up. I threw the weight on my back, but to my surprise, 65 pounds felt like the weight of an elephant.

WHAT. THE. HELL.

I decided not to push it and kept things light through the rest of my workout. I was sore for 6 days from this light, short workout.

At this point I was sleeping 8-10 hours a night, napping 2-3 times per day, and still felt exhausted.

Come December, I had gained 15 pounds out of nowhere. This made me freak the f out.

I spent December-March miserable. Still sleeping a ton. Still weak. Still feeling heavy. Joint pain, and my digestion at its worst.

March is when the change kicked in, I found a functional practitioner who had a similar story to mine and signed up to work with her. Flash forward, I did a TON of testing with the hope to find something profound - like hashimoto's, PCOS, or RA.

None of that came up. But we did find that my gut was a MESS (I'll make another post about this alone). My hormones were so low they mimicked those of a woman in her late 40's or early 50's. Not normal for a 22 year old. It was at this point I heard the sobering words, "If we don't do something now, there's a chance you'll go into early menopause".

WHAT.

I frantically said yes to fixing my body and my journey began. A gut protocol, hundreds of supplements, and a meal plan that seemed like the craziest thing ever. Keto, carnivore, high carb, gluten free, dairy free - for months.

Flash forward, it's now October 2023. An entire year later. My gut health improved significantly, my hormones leveled out, but nothing had changed physically. Granted, my physical appearance wasn't the main outcome I was chasing, but it was something that happened for almost every other woman who had gone through the same protocol.

I felt great. Well, for 2 months tops. In December, things started creeping back in. The fatigue, the bloating, the skin issues.

Crap.

This led me to one of the darkest seasons of my life. I was so disappointed in myself. I was ashamed of my body, and just couldn't seem to feel okay. I felt like I wasn't deserving of healing and it was never going to be possible for me. It breaks my heart talking about this now because my head space is so different. But it makes me particularly sad because I got engaged to my absolute best friend during this time and I feel like I didn't ever give that moment the celebration it deserves because I felt so bad internally.

By March, I decided I was done trying to do all of the intense protocols, the expensive supplements, and crazy exercise in attempt to heal. At this point I still wasn't tolerating gluten or dairy at all. I don't want to say that raw milk changed my life, but it kinda did. This one food opened my eyes to the ways of the food industry here in America and the way I consumed food changed completely.

I sit here today, being able to eat dairy, eating bread, and while my physical body hasn't changed a ton. The way I feel and the beliefs I have around food are completely different.

I no longer restrict entire food groups, and my entire focus is on nourishing my body and making it feel as safe as possible.

I recently started working with a naturopathic doctor to work out the small gut issues that remain, but there's nothing extreme that is changing in my diet or my lifestyle. And guess what, I feel really, really good.

There's so many other things that have happened in the last two years, so many beautiful things, but my struggles with my health made me feel like an imposter in my profession.

But, I won't identify with that anymore. I've learned so much, I've changed so much, and I'm going to own it.

I don't know everything the future holds, but this is where I am now. I'm ready to share my life and my knowledge again. Let's heal together.

Wishing you health + happiness,

Tanna